13 – THE EXPANDING UNIVERSE

A week had passed since we went to see my doctor.

My wife worked days, which meant I was alone in the house for the most part.

I spent my time either obsessively playing with my re-discovered musical toys, or reading myself further down the rabbit-hole of new ideas that I’d stumbled upon online.

The tinkering with the synthesizer had brought me new energy, and the strange events that hurled me into this new direction were almost forgotten when I lost myself to my music machines.

I’d even found a box of blank tapes in the attic, and had began recording onto them with my 4-track.

Not that I knew what to use the recordings for.

It just felt good to make them.

A justification that wouldn’t be of much value to the person I was just a couple of weeks back.

Reading-wise, I was fascinated by the sheer mass of alternative information available online.

My reading habits of recent years had mainly been focusing on the same news outlets that I’d always been following, even pre digital.

I usually found time for some sports updates, too, and the odd crime novel, whenever we were on holiday, but to be honest, most of my brain’s capacity was used on work-related technical updates.

Updates of a far more boring kind than the ones I was reading now.

Up until now, I had always believed that I possessed a fairly good overview of my professional field, and that I knew the technical knowledge I needed to know.

But now I felt a nagging, sore feeling because I hadn’t opened up to this alternative world of ideas before.

It was as if my brain had been let out of a cage.

Studying felt exciting again.

As I was watching a video on particle entaglement in relation to magnetic resonance, I once again ended up at the Platonic Solids, and once again found myself pondering whether there was any significance to the shapes that had abducted me from my entryway.

Or if there were any significance to the experiences whatsoever.

The Tetrahedron and Hexahedron were two out of five possible ways you could organise equally shaped geometric forms in three dimensional space.

I still found this astonishing.

Why five?

Why not more?

The mess that is this world has always seemed rather endless to my eyes, where even the most simplistic thing would eventually become unfathomably complex at some point.

Given time.

And human interference.

I did some more searches, and found that the facts about Platonic Solids was a validated piece of knowledge, even in the most traditional scientific circles.

Hard science.

The keepers of the Truth.

According to what I’d been raised to believe.

By following the comments beneath the video, some totally crazy, of course, I found more links to new theories on the relations between frequencies of vibration and the laws of geometry.

One independent researcher suggested that these relations laid at the base of every phenomenon perceivable to us in the entire universe.

A bold statement, as I’d never heard anything near it before, not even in the surreal exercise that is quantum physics theory.

On the website, a chart on the electromagnetic spectrum showed a linear representation of different wavelengths.

From the slow waves of sound, moving up through radio waves, microwaves, light, and finally ending with radiation.

I studied it, and found myself staring at the range between wi-fi and infrared light, as if I instinctively expected to find something of value there.

I didn’t.

So I did a search on frequencies between ten to the power of thirteen and ten to the power of fourteen, and found that these were frequencies in the range of atomic vibrations.

The wavelengths of physical reality.

I closed my eyes, and let my mind drift, and saw a vibrating grid of atomic structures with kaleidoscopic forms that danced around in spacetime.

Then heatwaves entered the same space.

They were of different wavelengths, but close enough to start modulating the atomic frequencies, changing their speed.

It made me smile.

My mind swimming in a sea of waves

I must have been a child last time I let my mind flow like this, making inner pictures that my conscious self didn’t seem to have any control over.

Suddenly it struck me that this was exactly what my synthesizer was all about.

Frequencies modulating other frequencies.

Oscillators having conversations with each other.

I opened my eyes, straightened in my chair, and reached for a bunch of patch-cables for the MS-20.

The Low Frequency Oscillator had to play the part of the microwave, and the two oscillators a simple atomic structure.

Patching the LFO to pitch and filter controls, I began sweeping the knobs subtly to look for sweet spots.

The sounds were droney and slowly varying in pitch, making a kind of sad ensemble.

But it was a perfect audible presentation of what I had just imagined.

I put down a few minutes of my noodling to a track on the Portastudio, then rewound the tape, selected the next track, and repeated the procedure.

I went on until I had filled three tracks, then bounced them down to the fourth and started over again until I ran out of tracks, due to the amount of noise and distortion produced in the process.

Not that it was unpleasant in any way, but there was no more space for detail after a while.

Listening back, the tones appeared as a vast field of interchanging waves, modulating eachother in various ways.

I thought it sounded very nice, considering the limitations of the old equipment.

My only concern was that I would love to add even more tracks with different pitches, but realised that it would be difficult to do something more complex with my dated and dusty hardware.

I decided to look for more contemporary music technology, just to see what was available.

And instantly got swallowed by another online rabbit-hole.

The products and possibilities seemed endless.

It was as if the amount of music-making machinery on offer, hardware and software, surpassed the sum of all the artists I’d ever heard of, or imagined to exist.

I felt dizzy.

But still excited.

Losing myself in browsing around webstores and youtube tutorials, another couple of hours disappeared, and when I finally glanced at the time on the upper right corner of my computer I saw that my wife would be home in not too long, and thought that I should knock it on the head and go prepare some dinner for us.

As I switched the equipment off, I contemplated on what a great day it had been.

I was re-vitalised, and the last thing I wanted was to go back to work.

Or back to any part of my old life, to be honest.

I was simply happy. 

For the first time in a long time.

I sat back in my chair, and felt a buzzing feeling, as if being brushed by soft feathers from within.

I closed my eyes to cherish the emotion, then gradually got pulled out of my soothing state by a low, humming sound coming from behind me.

The sound grew louder, and I started to panic as I realised there was no way I could escape.

I shrieked as I turned around and faced the hovering, spinning Octahedron, shining its orange glow onto my paralyzed face.

Within a fraction of a second, the shape swallowed me, and hurled me through space.

This time I tried to scream, as if protesting was of any use.

I no longer accepted being pushed around this way.

But to no avail.

Instead, a calming voice in my mind said: “Relax! You’ll want to see this.”

Upon which I relaxed a little.

The humming was sligtly higher in pitch now, more of a ringing sound than a bass tone.

I found the sound somehow reassuring.

However strange an experience this was, this made me believe that it was still rooted in reality in one way or another, as I’d never dreamt sounds before.

The movement slowed down, and the sound dropped in frequency again, and eventually stopped.

As the walls of the Octahedron gradually became transparent, I expected to see some new unknown surroundings, but felt slightly betrayed to see that there was nothing but dark, empty space surrounding me.

What happened next, was this:

I am floating in an empty space.

I am naked, but not cold.

Curled up, like a foetus in a mother’s womb.

I can see myself from the outside, but still feel my body from the inside, as if I’m both inside and outside of myself at the same time.

I am filled with the most overwhelming sensation of warmth and comfort.

I feel completely safe floating around in this nothingness, and if I could choose, I would stay here forever.

A sense of being loved fills me to the extent that I almost break up in tears of joy.

Then something happens.

At first, it appears as a small beam of light coming from an enormous distance.

The lightbeam grows as it approaches, and the closer it gets, I can see that it is more than a light.

It looks as if it’s made of glass.

The purest glass I’ve ever laid my eyes on.

As it gets up close, I can see that the light comes out of a crystal-shaped form, but a form unlike anything I’ve seen before.

It’s as if it is wrapped around itself in some ineffable way, both revealing its insides as well as its outsides simultaneously.

I stare at it in awe.

It is the most beautiful thing.

The light shines back at me more intensely, and I get the feeling of being watched by it.

Connected, in a very profound way.

It shines brighter and brighter

And then explodes.

An unbelievably bright beam suddenly rushes out of me and meets the one coming from the crystal.

My soul breaks into a million colours, like white light splitting through a prism.

The swarm of fragmented rainbow particles that was me just a second ago, get shattered across the dark space.

Millions upon millions of “I”’s look bewildered at each other as we all tumble into the abyss.

We try to scream, and a multitude of voices ring across the universe.

The plasticity of reality and my own identity seems total, and everything I thought I knew about my existence is wiped out in an instant.

Then, the expanding movement slows down, and I find myself gradually re-composing to the body I had before entering this place.

Once again, I am confined inside the orange shape that brought me here.

Shocked at the core.

It starts moving again.

An unknown period of time passes by, and I finally return to my house.

I find myself lying on the floor beside the chair I’d been sitting in.

Shaking.

In the doorway, my wife stands, staring at me with an expression mid-way between empathic concern and anger.

And I have totally forgotten who I am.